Saturday, 23 June 2007

35: disappointment

Carmella is in the staff room. She is eating some soup. There is a banana next to her soup. I wonder if it is one of the bananas I have stacked. Of course it is, I tell myself. I watch her eat the soup. I wait for her to get to the banana. I want to watch the banana disappear. Carmella eating a banana. I wait. She knows I’m looking. She fidgets around in her chair. She looks up at me. I look down. I look up again. She looks down. She finishes her soup. I wait for the banana. Carmella. Carmella vs. the banana. She looks up again. I look away. I look back. She is standing. She is picking up the banana and not eating it and carrying it out of the staff room with her.

I look round in panic. I look for someone or something to somehow change the course of events in my life and to make them make more sense or to make them more kind or more reasonable or more fulfilling.

No one does anything.

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