Sunday, 8 July 2007

50: it's one small step for Carol's knee


I’m collecting apples and bananas on the surface of Carol’s knee. Her once beautiful skin is ravaged and in disrepair. The fruit conceals itself inside pock marks and craters. It’s covered in knee dust. I try not to think about buffing. The low gravity makes each step light and springy despite my cumbersome spacesuit. Carol’s knee never used to suffer from low gravity. Or meteor showers. Or knee dust for that matter. She’s really let herself go since our break-up. It saddens me.


The communicator crackles inside my helmet. It’s my boss. Due to the poor reception on Carol’s knee I can now only understand 12% of what he says.


I make out the words ‘standing around’.


I want to tell him to go fuck himself but instead apologise for being momentarily deep in thought. It takes three attempts to understand that he ‘doesn’t pay me to think.’


My basket’s full and I bound back to the rocket. I open the hatch; apples and bananas immediately spill out. The rocket’s completely full.


My boss tells me to put more fruit in the rocket.


I pick up an apple and put it in the rocket. A banana falls out.


My boss tells me to put more fruit in the rocket.


I pick up a banana and put it in the rocket. An apple falls out.


My boss tells me to put more fruit in the rocket.


I pick up an apple and put it in the rocket. A banana falls out.


My boss tells me to put more fruit in the rocket.


I pick up a banana and put it in the rocket. An apple falls out.


My boss tells me to put more fruit in the rocket.


In space no-one can hear you scream bananas.



[note: this entry is written by Mark. it is the winner of the untitled 'supermarket nightmare' competition. thank you to everyone who entered. there were 18 entries. thank you.]

1 comment:

Mark said...

Cheers Chris,
I’d just like to thank my own shiny headed boss for being a constant source of inspiration. He takes the term ‘megalomaniac twat’ to new heights. Never before has a man demoralised an entire workforce just by smiling.

Carol’s knee will rise again!