Saturday, 29 March 2008

'forthcoming' + use of quotes


there will be more things on here soon. everything feels 'forthcoming'. i think i have about five things 'forthcoming' which i am waiting to be 'now', mainly just so i can post about them on here.

i am even thinking about things like going to the toilet and going to sleep in a bit and having breakfast tomorrow as 'forthcoming'.

i keep saying 'forthcoming' in my head. it sounds 'stupid'. i can hardly write anything 'non-fiction' now without writing things in quotes. i like these movie reviews. there are good uses of quotes in them. here is a bit from an old gmail chat i had with the author of those movie reviews, about the use of quotes:

me: yeah, i guess they are of 'varying quality'
or something
i don't know
Brandon: the other day tao and i were gmail chatting and he said chris killen has mastered quotes, and then he said, how did he do that
me: like the blurbs on my myspace?
Brandon: no
as in
Chris: yeah, i guess they are of 'varying quality'
me: oh.
i don't know.
i don't think i have 'mastered' them
have i?
tao is good at quotes, too, i think
Brandon: yes
it is a science
or there should be an essay on it. i have been thinking about writing how to use quotes but i have never thought that i would do it and it seems hard
me: i don't think i could.
it is 'intuitive' for me
Brandon: yes
me: (i feel self-conscious about using quotes now)

i am thinking about quotes now. i like how they simultaneously let you use cliches without 'disgracing' yourself, and also make things sound sarcastic. i find them funny. i wonder if it is something 'stuck' now, and i will use them forever, or whether it is a short-lived 'joke' and i will stop doing it in a year or so.

here is a stock job application letter (from monster.co.uk) 'made sarcastic' using quotes (i filled in the blanks):

Dear Mr. Smith

Re: Office Junior

In response to the 'advertised' position on monster.co.uk on 27th March, please 'consider' my CV in your search for an office junior. This is an 'ideal' job for me given my 'enthusiasm' for office work, my 'related experience' and 'qualifications'.

Working in offices has always been 'important' to me, which is why I 'chose' to work in offices since leaving school. I obtained an A in English in 1998 and have been working in offices since then. I am a 'confident' user of Word and have worked 'extensively' with Microsoft Paint.

As you can see from my CV, I've taken the opportunity to gain 'extra qualifications', which has 'helped' me in my previous position as an office junior. I'm responsible for things like making cups of tea, etc. I've also photocopied things, and carried things around.

I am available for an interview 'at your convenience' and 'look forward' to 'hearing' from you.

'Yours sincerely',

Chris Killen


my death = 'forthcoming'.

3 comments:

apants said...

I found this to be 'interesting.' I didn't 'laugh' persay, but I found the content to be of 'value.' I think the miniature plastic horse should be the 'miniature' 'plastic 'horse' and that you should have a correlating picture of a very large glass cat or something. And this will be a forthcoming large work of art which I will want to put above my sofa in my living room and below it will be a small placard reading "'sarcasm' by kris killen 2008"(your 'artist' name starts with a 'k' instead of a 'c'). Please send me this peice of art when you've completed it. I prefer that the 'miniature' 'plastic' 'horse' part be written with helvetica bold but as the artist that is really up to you. I'll reimburse you for costs.

chris killen said...

apants, it is 'forthcoming'.

Frank Morgan said...

I 'love' using quotes to change the meaning of 'my' words