Wednesday, 22 October 2008

i have the same face in every photograph

Please look closely at my face. I have chosen this face carefully. I have this same face in every photograph. This face is supposed to imply myriad different aspects of my personality: power, intelligence, humour, vulnerability, versatility, sensitivity, eccentricity, a medium-large penis, the ability to love, the ability to ‘make mistakes’ and to learn from them, sexual prowess, agility, a knowledge of ‘fine wines’, time spent abroad, a mysterious past, forgiveness, all seasons of ‘The Wire’ on DVD box set, etc., etc.

There are 292 pictures of me using this face on my Facebook profile.

I once made this face next to Christian Bale at a London film premiere. Christian Bale’s face was reviewed as ‘lacklustre’ and ‘hamfisted’ in comparison to my face.

I will also make this face in real life.

I will make this face at you from across a crowded beer garden.

I will make this face as I loom over you in the dark of your bedroom, once I’ve unbuttoned your top and got you lying down in bed. I will make this face as I nudge at you with my medium-large penis, while something like Bob Marley plays in the background on your little bubble-shaped CD player (after I crouched down next to your CDs and chose something and put it on without asking).

I will make this face next to you on the Facebook photographs we both upload to announce our new relationship status.

I will make it at the pub, and it will glint and stand out from your friend’s faces like a bit of broken pint glass.

I will make it at a cat in the street and the cat will howl and run under a car.

I will make it at myself in the mirror, late at night, once we are living together, and think a series of nonsensical, disconnected things about life, death, the last series of ‘The Wire’, going to the gym, genitalia, and how I cheated on you a number of times.

Your friends are great.

I am in love with you.

Everything is okay.

One day our children will have this face.


Martin Higgins said...

I like THE WIRE. Does that make me a bad person? Oh god.

Benjamin Pester said...

I can't believe how long that neck is. It's the longest neck in the universe. How did you hold it convincingly in front of your face without mostly just holding neck? Even with that neck, that man is better looking than me.

I like your story though. x

Will said...

This should be put to music.

T.R. Castillo said...

people who try too hard to take really good pictures disturb me

Marcus Whale said...

should be spoken in a monotone!

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katty said...

I love to take some photograph because i usually travel too much,one day i saw a site called
costa rica homes for sale
and it seemed very wonderful, and i am very exited, now i want to visit this beautiful country and take a lot of photos.

Harriet said...

Quite worthwhile info, thank you for the article.