Monday, 22 December 2008

interview #7

interview with CRISPIN BEST

please describe yourself in the voice of a 'bratty' teenage American girl.

crispin? is that his name? crispin? chris pin? oh. god okay. well, basically not as hot as nick jonas? hang on. crispin? seriously? that's his real name? really? it's kind of cute i guess? i mean like i think redheads are ok and everything? but i don't think that crispin guy has mindblowing abs though? i mean and like also for example caitlin was talking to him and she said he seemed like kind of a jerk? hold on i just have to go to the bathroom a second.

please write something about the online interactive game 'Second Life'

i don't know much about second life. i saw this video and laughed a bit. when i think of 'second life' i imagine a guy with two separate families, one in the north of england and one in the south, and i admire him or something, because that's pretty crazy, guy, what you're doing there. maybe i think the online literary scene is like 'second life'. i think the online literary scene is like a virtual world with characters and 'objectives' and interaction. but like people can 'play' the online literary scene at work as well or whatever so some people are 'playing' the online literary scene for many, many hours every day. i feel like i want to 'play' too. it seems like there are many, many good people and good things in the online literary scene. it feels really good to get a story 'accepted' by a site that i like, i feel excited and relieved and good. when i am reading HTMLGIANT or something i feel 'immersed' in the online literary scene even though i am barely even an insignificant part of the thing as a whole. so i feel like 'second life' is really just an online literary scene for people who aren't really that into writing or something. absolutely.

what is your least-favourite novel and why?

i mean. books that refuse to do jokes, i guess. i think the world is very funny and sad. so i think people like to chuckle. i like to chuckle. it's a good feeling to chuckle while you're reading, it's very unexpected and nice and personal. the two books i read that i don't think had a single laugh in are both by joseph conrad: 'heart of darkness' and 'the shadow line'. i think out of all the books i've ever read, i've had the least fun reading those joseph conrad books.

who would win in a fight between you and your boss at work?

i work nights at the bookshop waterstone's at the moment. my boss is a stout woman in her mid-30s. i am maybe stronger than her. she could definitely use cunning to defeat me. she often appears from nowhere behind me. i can imagine her sneaking up, then it's a blur, then i imagine her sitting on my chest, slamming my head into the ground. she would have those 'new labour new danger' tony blair eyes. um. i think while i was unconscious she would tie me up with packing tape and cover my mouth hole and nose holes with 3 for 2 stickers. i am very afraid of her. she is a frightening thing.

how can i cure the mold on my bathroom ceiling (it keeps coming back)?

my methods in order of preference:

  1. hammers
  2. witchdoctor
  3. paint
  4. pin poster of chaka demus and pliers on offending ceiling
  5. dynamite
  6. get cat
  7. high, regular dose of uranium radiation
  8. move house
  9. close eyes while showering
  10. much, much calpol