new issue of Transmission

Transmission #11 is out today.

you can buy it online, and places like the Cornerhouse and Magma in Manchester.

i wrote an article for the 'Writer's Block' section, which is half serious/half lies. i haven't seen this issue 'IRL' yet, but they always look nice. i'll post a photo of it once i have a copy. i sent them a 'humourous' photo of a page of my manuscript with annotations, which i hope they used.

Blake Butler

Blake Butler is doing some good, strange, abrasive things with the internet. i like it. he seems kind of 'in charge' of the internet now. i feel glad that i'm 'on the same side' as him or something. i imagine that if i upset him somehow, he would start 5 fake internet sites based on my name and then just make money from them or post you tube videos of David Lynch on them. oh no, now i feel, by carrying on writing about Blake Butler, like i've accidentally started 'shit talking' about him, and he's going to do that now.

sorry, Blake. i didn't mean it.

(i'm such a coward.)

he also reviewed the chapbook i wrote with Shane Jones:

"I used Shane and Chris's chapbook to help me take the most satisfying shit of the new year."

thanks, Blake.

coming soon:

[note: the film is silent, so okay to watch at work]

'albums of the year':

1. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
2. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
3. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
4. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
5. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
6. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
7. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
8. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
9. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian
10. Frog Eyes - Tears of the Valedictorian

wingdings poem + review

i just wrote a poem and turned it into windings. then i saved it. then i opened it again, and tried to select it all and turn it back into legible text and it just turned into squares. (i think i'm going to do a Harmony Korine and try to get the people from NASA to try and retrieve my depressing, immature, self-pitying, not very good poem.)

also, Mark Baumer reviewed the chapbook i wrote with Shane Jones, and is now making bootleg copies of it.

forthcoming:

depressing poem written in Wingdings
myspace profile song changed to 'Come Dine With Me' theme tune
cat merchandise
promotional video for reading night

there's no point in not being friends with someone if you want to be friends with them

the first reviews of Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon are in:

review #1 (i get called 'Tao Lin')
review #2 (i make someone 'LOL')

also: coming soon.

i liked these things; maybe you will like these things too and we can become 'best friends'

i liked this post by my friend Chris.

i liked this story by Bed Myers (even though when i read it i kind of felt paranoid that it was 'taking the piss' out of my life a bit).

i liked this book of poetry by Tao Lin (review 'forthcoming').

IMPORTANT: LAST DAY TO GET FREE CHAPBOOK

i posted copy 20/20 of Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon yesterday. i posted 2 copies to America though, so if you still want one, email me today. the numbers will just continue -- 21/20, 22/20, etc. -- but today is the last day to get one. i don't want to get into a horrible, pedantic 'situation' where i have to email someone back and say, 'sorry but you can't have one.' so if 10 people email today (i don't think 10 people are going to email today) i'll post 10 copies. but then that's it. my printer is almost out of ink.

i want the mae shi to come and play at my flat. apparently they will come and play at your house for $100. i think the man from upstairs wouldn't like it. i think only maybe one or two people i know would be 'bothered' enough to come round and watch them play. i don't know where they would set up their stuff. our flat is quite small. maybe the kitchen. they would play in the kitchen and i would peer in at them, and maybe sneak round them halfway through the set to put some toast in or turn the coffee machine on, and wonder if i should wait until they've finished a song and then ask them if they would like some toast, but then they go immediately into another song, and i sneak back out of the kitchen and almost get hit by the head of a guitar on the way. my flatmate is in the living room. she has come home from work, and was planning to get some writing done on the table in the living room, and i have explained that they are playing but will be over in about three quarters of an hour. maybe my friend Sam is there. i acutally can't think of anyone else i know who would maybe like to come round. my flatmate mouths 'i'm just going to my room for a bit' and i mouth back 'okay' and then i peer in the kitchen again and see the toast has popped up, but feel awkward about sneaking behind them again, so i just leave it there. then they play the song 'party politics' and i feel excited and stop worrying about things.

electric swan powered by real swans

Colin Bassett said some nice things about 'Paul Simon' and Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon.

there are still 4 copies of Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon left. it is free. if you live in the UK email me and i will post you one for free. if you live in America email Shane Jones and he will post you one for free.

i think i typed the word 'free' enough times to 'hammer home' the idea that no money will 'change hands'.

free.

free chapbook.

etc.

i listened to a song by someone still loves you boris yeltsin about 100 times, now i'm listening to the mae shi a lot; i'm so 'emo' it's 'untrue'

Shane Jones (co-author of the chapbook Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon) has a story up at Everyday Yeah. it is part of the 'people who died in 1983' series. i like it a lot.

there are 7 copies of the chapbook left. order one (meaning, 'email me and i will send you one for free') and i will also include an extra ultra-limited-edition chapbook, 'completely free of charge'.

** early evening update: there are now 5 copies left. **

'CHOAD MANIA' - an 'investigation'

to celebrate the publication of Tao Lin's poetry book, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, i 'caught up' with him this evening to ask a few questions about 'choads':

me: first of all, could you describe a choad for british people who might not know what one is?

Tao: a choad is a penis as long as it is wide

it is also a kind of human being

a 'variety' of human being or animal

me: do you 'see' a certain kind of choad, when you think about choads? is there a kind of choad you are thinking about right now?

Tao: when i think 'choad' many different people 'flash' through my mind, rarely does an actual penis go into my mind, many times i see myself from outside of myself, like in a movie

i know i'm a choad

next question

me: do you think there are many animal choads? or is it a more 'human' thing or 'characteristic'?

Tao: i think a hamster, for example, is a natural choad, it's entire existence is as long as it is wide. nature's best choad might be the ocean sunfish (http://www.vte.qc.ca/uploads/Images/Californie/800px-Mola_mola_ocean_sunfish_Monterey_Bay_Aquarium_2.jpg)

anyone or anything can be a choad

i just idly glanced to my right and saw a few choads. my container of organic coconut oil, my container of tea tree oil, and my cd player. it is almost impossible to live a life free of choads, though some have tried, with disasterous effects, as you know.

me: have you typed 'choad' into google image search?

i just did

it is mostly just pornography, and this guy:http://www.geocities.com/donkeybunchfriends/choad.jpg

Tao: i have no desire to type choad into image search. i have not done that before. choad is mostly a metaphysical thing for me. it is like kafka's writing. kafka's writing to me is not about praque, jewishness, or fascism.

i just clicked that link, that human is definitely a choad.

but be warned: people who don't look like choads can just as frequently exhibit 'choadlike behaviors' (see the 'definitive choad gmail chat guide' with kendra)

me: is 'the choad' something you 'came to' recently -- a new 'emblem' -- or is something you've always thought about?

what drew you to choads?

Tao: human beings are not drawn to choads, choads are drawn to human beings. i guess the concept of choads just chose me, i don't know why, i'm glad though. i'm grateful, chris.

me: okay, i think i only have one more question, unless there's more you would like to say ...

Tao: i would like to say that choads rarely 'invade' dreams. i had a dream a few weeks ago that i met ellen page, from juno, in an airport, and she recognized me and i pretended not to recognize her, then we went somewhere and had sex. i was happy in the dream and woke up happy and felt happy for a while, there were no choads in the dream.

me: my last question is: can we expect the word 'choad' in your next novel?

Tao: i don't know why but i just took a really long time to answer this question. the answer is 'no, the word choad does not appear in my next novel.

me: okay. good. thank you.

Tao: thank you for interviewing me about choads, hopefully the serious literature community can see the value in choads, since i talked about kafka.

here, too, is the 'definitive choad gmail chat guide' by Tao Lin and Kendra Grant Malone:

Kendra: choad

Tao: choad

Kendra: i lost my job

i am a choad

life has been 'choad-like'

Tao: i ve been feeling choadlike

Kendra: choads

the weather is choadlike

everything is

Tao: kelly party firday night

life is a choad

Kendra: yes i will be there

i have a job interview tomorrow

im scared

Tao: whats ig

what is it for

Kendra: me = frightened choad

with that artist jeff koons

he makes giant puppies

Tao: choad

Kendra: choad puppies

gross

i got stood up by jakub again last night

jakub is a supreme choad delux

Tao: he is a choad

that is choadlike behavior

fucking choads

Kendra: fucking choads

Tao: melville hose event wed. night

Kendra: this wed?

Tao: yes

Kendra: shit

i cant

Tao: chaod is go

chad

Kendra: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Tao: chod

Kendra: meow

Tao: im not meeting girls

the choad life continues

Kendra: i only meet supreme choad deluxes

choad choad

the origional

the king

no

the dutchess

Tao: the dutchess of choads

Kendra: are you at work?

Tao: that's good

i'm in my room

i brought a chair into my room. i'm sitting in the room

Kendra: me too

not on a chair

on a bed

Tao: like a fucking bitchass choad

i sit in the center of my room

Kendra: stupid

broccoli choad

a vegan variety of choad

Tao: cucumber licking choad ass bitch

Kendra: i am getting very close to the point of depression where it becomes homicidal tendencies

Tao: do you any 'hope'

'prospects'

Kendra: the job interview

got 'forthcoming publications'

writing = good

life = shitty choad land

Tao: im going to hang out a lot

Kendra: lots of hanging

Tao: find social events and go to them

Kendra: social choad

Tao: social choad

Kendra: meet female choads

Tao: female variety of cucumber licking choad ass hos

Kendra: make miniature choads

Tao: this is the definitive gmail chat on choads

Kendra: we win

'supreme king and queen choad'

i am wearing a tiara made of short fat penises

Tao: promotional bitch ass choads

Kendra: promo

internet video choads

i need to curb my giggeling

thats all i do in every video on the internet

'emotionally ticklish choad'

Tao: the giggling is good

it sounds good

Kendra: it makes you guys seem funny i guess

'seem'

Tao: yes, creates a false sense of

not being choads

unfunny choads

Kendra: hilarious choads

Tao: i want to eat a fried choad

for real

never mind

Kendra: i will always mind

that was gross

im never forgetting that

Tao: choad restaurant

Kendra: neutral meals

Tao: choad a la cart

Kendra: paper clips

choad a la mode

Tao: chris killen is interviewing m about choads

can i just send him this gmail chat instead

we can deelte the jakub part

Kendra: yess

no leave jakub

he is a choad

who should be publically called out

hmmm

Tao: this is good

i'me xcited

Kendra: i need a dictionary

Tao: chris said he'll post it

Kendra: i am a choad brain

oh wonderful

he is a good choad

a very big choad

many inches long and wide

Tao: 18

larger than a basketball

Kendra: that is huge

elephantitus

Tao: im going to eat, ill be back

Kendra: kkkkk

bonus 'choad' features:

the seattle paper the stranger makes 'choad' its word of the week

choad poem by Tao Lin

choad poem by Kendra Grant Malone

ultra-limited-edition bonus chapbook:

there are 8 copies of the Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon chapbook left. if you would like a copy, email me.

i've made an extra, ultra-limited-edition chapbook (see pictures above), too. the chapbook is limited to 8 copies. i will include it 'for free' if you order a copy of Gravity's Rainbow / Mason & Dixon. the ultra-limited-edition chapbook is called, i did nothing today, i will do things tomorrow, i'm sorry.

gravity's rainbow / mason & dixon: OUT NOW

the chapbook i made with Shane Jones is out now. if you live in the UK and would like a copy, please email me your address and i'll post you one. if you live in the US, please email Shane Jones and he will do the same. if you live somewhere that UK or US postage won't cover, email either of us and we will send you the file or something.

the UK version is going to be limited to 22/20 copies (i posted 2 to people not from the UK, i'm sorry). i've had maybe 3 or 4 'pre-orders' so far. so there are about 17 or 18 copies still available.

**Tuesday early afternoon update: 9 copies remaining**

'serious literature' - 'exclusive' short film 'starring' Tao Lin

i made a short film of Tao Lin when i went to New York. i was going to post it on here, but then i found out 3AM was having a 'Tao Lin week' to celebrate the publication of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

this week is now 'Tao Lin week'.

you can see the film i made here. i like it. i feel 'proud' of it, maybe somewhat to do with the fact that i feel it looks 'professional' even though it was made with shitty equipment. i used a digital camera, an mp3 player and windows movie maker to make it. i did some of the titles on flash.

i think i'm going to copy 3AM and have a 'Tao Lin couple of days' on my blog (probably just meaning this post, a review of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, and maybe one other thing).

it's cold in the flat, i feel cold, i don't understand

Shane Jones has written a bit more about our 'impending' chapbook on his blog.

Sally Cook and myself are going to do a reading night in Manchester. it has a good name, but i can't remember the name right now. it will have a blog and things, too. sometime towards the end of June, hopefully. once a month. the reading night at the KGB bar was an 'inspiration'.

chapbooks

it is 'chapbook season' or something. everyone is making chapbooks. i am making chapbooks. other people on the internet are making chapbooks. i passed a group of lads on the way to the shop yesterday to buy a pen for writing on CDs, and at first i thought they were about to beat me up, but as i got closer i realised they were just making a chapbook called 'i am going to kick your fucking face in.' this is a review of some chapbooks i received recently, with pictures of them taken around my flat (click photos for larger versions).


'the name of this band is the talking heads - issue 1' by Zachary German

i first heard ten or twelve poems of this at Zachary's reading at the KGB bar. i then read the remaining poems sat on a bench outside the hostel i was staying in in New York. then i think i read the whole thing again on the flight back to England. both reading them myself, and hearing them read, these poems made me laugh and think, 'this is good, something new is happening here, banality, this is exciting, this is so 'boring' or 'matter of fact' that it has become exciting somehow.' these poems feel kind of 'dashed-off' but i don't thing they have been, because the information seems ordered in the right way to make people laugh and understand them. i think this chapbook is sold out now, but is the first in a series.


'nowhere fast: brutalism one' by Tony O'Neill, Ben Myers, and Adelle Stripe

i read some of this sitting on my bed, and some of it on the sofa in the living room which at the moment smells mysteriously of dogshit, but didn't when i read this, i don't think. this one had a 'surprising' piece of string tied around it, and is printed on a nice kind of paper. it is very 'professionally' made and feels like a lot of time has gone into it. it has good illustrations by Lisa Cradduck. this poetry collection is focussed on three different places in England, it felt a bit like a group of people at a pub, trading stories about how horrible the town they grew up in was, but whereas that would normally be a bit dull, they are very interesting people and they all wait patiently for the other person to finish speaking before telling their anecdote, and don't exactly try to just 'top' the other person's anecdote, but instead to 'compliment' it or something with their own. i found the poems in here sometimes powerful and sometimes funny. it finished before i got bored reading it. i think this one hasn't sold out yet, i'm not sure.


'we are in exile here' by Colin Bassett

if i had to 'choose favourites', i would say this one i think. but i'm not going to do that. i read this one in an afternoon that was interrupted by something, i can't remember exactly what; i just remember sitting reading this chapbook and then having to do something else and feeling like i didn't want to do it, and then reading this chapbook again. it made me want to drink coffee. i think i read the second half of this chapbook drinking coffee. coffee drinking gets mentioned a lot. this is like a series of 'connected' stories or a short novel. after i finished reading it i felt very optimistic about a lot of things, even though i guess you would say that the subject matter was 'depressing' or maybe just 'boring'. i felt very excited about it. it has 'experimental' elements in terms of how the narrative is told which i wasn't expecting. i think Colin is printing more of these, but they are just a 'promotional device' for an online version, maybe.


'spam (email inspired poetry)' by Ben Myers

i read this sat on my bed at a time when the lightbulb had gone out and wouldn't turn on again and it was too late to go out and buy another. as it got darker i had to turn on a homemade lamp made out of a winebottle and christmas lights and squint and hope i didn't miss something 'important'. i occasionally felt like i was 'missing something important' reading these poems because they're abstract and feel very 'crafted' but then i kept reminding myself that they are made out of spam emails so maybe i wasn't 'missing something' after all. they made me think of William Burroughs a bit, but William Burroughs with a more pronounced sense of humour. i feel like they got funnier as they went along. there were lots of lines i wanted to remember or tell someone. i think i wanted there to be someone else in the bed with me just lying there quietly, so very occasionally i could read a line out to them and they would laugh or say 'What?' i think this book is published sometime this month, you can pre-order it.


'gravity's rainbow' by Shane Jones

this chapbook is half of a larger chapbook. i am not allowed to review the other half due to 'legal reasons'. i read these poems first as a microsoft word document which Shane Jones emailed me while we were chatting online. i think i typed back something like 'these are great'. i have read these five poems a number of times now, on screen and printed out, and really like them. they are funny and also kind of sad sometimes. Shane Jones, i feel, has done something good with poetry here, especially in the first couple. it made me realise, reading them, that i was thinking too 'logically' or something about poetry and that Shane Jones had just 'gone wild' but still in a very 'controlled' and 'crafted' way. there are 20 US copies and 20 UK copies of this chapbook available for free from monday by looking at either this blog or Shane Jones' blog.


'coffee' by Time Travel Opportunists

like the brutalist chapbook, this one has been printed on nice paper and feels like a lot of time has gone into it. it comes with 'bonus features' -- a CD and an envelope with a badge and a coffee bean inside. i am going to eat the coffee bean now. it was 'okay.' 'quite nice.' the CD is good; it sounds a bit like a 'love scene' in an 'indie film'. this chapbook is a collection by three people. the styles are all different but work well together. the stories are sometimes 'nice'-feeling (i feel paranoid that that is somehow a disparaging remark, but i don't think it is). even if the subject matter is 'not nice' these stories somehow still feel 'nice' or 'warm' or something. maybe i mean 'comforting'. i don't know. maybe it feels like you are going round to a house where a group of friends all live together and on the way you buy pizza and then are mugged and the mugger steals your wallet and your pizza and you arrive, shaken up, at the group of friend's house and they're very nice to you and sit you down and make you a cup of tea (or coffee, i guess) and try to say silly stuff to cheer you up.

gravity's rainbow / mason & dixon

Shane Jones posted some videos of our 'forthcoming' chapbook on his blog.

if i update this blog once a day, maybe more people will buy my novel in january

i wrote a short thing about music videos on barbed cat penis.

coming soon

review of Paul Simon

Duncan Cheshire has written a two-part, 10-minute review of 'Paul Simon':

first part.
second part.

thanks, Duncan.

but i feel bad now; he says there was a page-layout error in his copy. did anyone else who received one also have a page error? if so, let me know, and i'll post you an error-free version if you want one.

(i'm going to write a poem on DRUNK now.)

ten-year plan

2009: publication of The Bird Room
2010: date Britney Spears
2011: publication of second novel (provisionally titled Sexy Vampires)
2012: date Britney Spears (again)
2013: publication of 'experimental' 'font-based' novel called Garamond
2014: get married (not to Britney Spears)
2015: messy divorce
2016: 'comeback' self-help book / memoir called My Gentle Crotch
2017: lack of sales, vilification, reclusive period, alcoholism, a bit like Brautigan
2018: futher, more 'extreme' reclusive period, a bit like Salinger (maybe also 'find god'?)
2019: etc.

early symptoms of TB:

• fever
• chills
• stupid 'goon' face
• sweating
• night-sweats
• inability to go outside, even if it's a 'really nice day' (usually manifesting as 'can't be bothered')
• fever
• gastro-intestinal symptoms
• decreased interest in 'serious writing'
• weight loss
• inability to stop looking at facebook, google blog reader, gmail inbox, mobile phone (no new messages)
• no appetite
• increased interest in 'making a fucking mess'
• weakness
• gigantic urge to google 'early symptoms of TB'
• fatigue

i feel confused

my story 'saturday afternoon in the quality save in chorlton' keeps getting things written about it.

first there was this one (from a while ago, already linked to in an earlier post).

now someone else has written about it.

it's a good kind of confused. i don't know.

i left the oven on too long and now there are just strange black shapes

i wrote a small book of poems this evening and submitted it to Zachary German's 'the name of this band is the talking heads'.

the poems are all 3 lines long.

there are 24 of them.

the book is called 'i left the oven on too long and now there are just strange black shapes'.

if it gets rejected -- which it probably will -- i'm going to make copies and post them to people, like i did with 'Paul Simon'.

(i just had an idea of a way of printing it 'in miniature'.)

please vote on what i should do today; i don't feel like i can make a decision

please vote in the comments section. all i need is one vote. the first person to vote -- i will do that thing today.

1) spend the next eight hours or so sitting at my desk clicking between gmail, facebook, google blog reader, myspace, google, wikipedia and youtube.

2) go and sit in the living room and edit a bit of my novel and maybe have a read and go for a walk.

3) update my facebook 'what i am doing right now' every fifteen minutes for the rest of the day.

[update: voting is now closed. thanks to everyone who voted.]

myspace

i just turned my myspace page into a 'les savy fav' page
i don't know what i'm doing right now

i wrote a guest post on sally cook's blog

here it is.

everything is nice.

everything is okay.

bird room update

i got a large typeset proof thing of my novel today. i like the font. i think it's the same font as Gold by Dan Rhodes.


i also received an email with a possible cover design. i don't think it would be 'good form' to post it on here. the cover design is pretty 'sexy' looking, more 'sexy' than i was expecting. i don't know how i feel about it yet.

'time of my life'

i am back from New York. i had a nice time. i'm listening to 'Cor-Crane Secret' by Polvo which is one of the things i bought in New York, and right now, with no sleep, it sounds like the 'best thing in the world'. i feel excited about everything. i had a nice time. i was planning to do an 'epic' 'interactive' post about my trip to New York, but then i wondered how many people would actually want to read something like that, and also that it might just be a bit like 'rubbing it in'. i don't know.

i took lots of little films on my camera, and my camera didn't get stolen.

i met some nice people. i met Tao Lin and Kendra Grant Malone and Catherine Lacey and Zachary German and Lee Rourke (again) and Johnny Temple. i made lots of little films of Tao Lin doing things. i'm going to edit those together and post it on here when it's done. it's going to be called either 'Tao Lin - The Movie' or 'Serious Literature', i think.

i feel really excited about everything.

new story

i have to be quick. i'm in an internet cafe. i have a story online now at everyday yeah. it is part of the 'people who died in 1983' series. i think it took me about 15 mins to write. i didn't write the author bio. i wrote it maybe a month or so ago. i'm having a nice time in New York.

i put more money in the internet machine. in celebration of my story going online i have re-activated my facebook account. i don't know what i'm doing. i feel like paraphrasing (and probably getting wrong) the essay 'On the Unconscious Life of the Mind' by Knut Hamsun.

"I will not write character types. My characters will re-activate facebook accounts when people expect them to not re-activate facebook accounts."