blurbs for some things in my flat:

general pile of things owned by my ex-flatmate until she can move into her own flat at the end of the month:

"With this pile of general things, Sian Cummins has done something new, something I've not seen done before. Effortless."

upside-down cap from a water bottle next to the sink:

"Like a breath of fresh-air. A simple beauty, the likes of which I have not seen in a long time. Miraculous."

leaflet on eggs, picked up from the checkout at morrisons, now slightly tea-stained:

"This leaflet on eggs is either disturbingly brilliant, or brilliantly disturbing. Whichever, I loved it."

penguin bar wrapper, near the corner of my laptop:

"Unputdownable."

mysterious empty vase (once held flowers, now unsure what to do with it):

"Precise and masterly, this empty vase tells us things we already knew, things we didn't know, and things we would hope to avoid. Thrilling."

small cross-section of the orange throw i bought from ikea to cover a stained old sofa:

"Reminiscent of the works of McEwen and possibly even Updike, this cross-section of orange throw is up there with the greats."

still no internet

i came into the internet cafe 54 mins ago, with the plan of being productive, answering emails, etc.

i just looked at facebook and listened to Witchies on myspace for 51-2 mins, and answered two emails, very concisely.

i was tagged on facebook, reading the short story with the giant face on a piece of card (see below):

the internet is about to run out.

i have 1.5 mins left.

bye.

questionairre

i filled out Ryan 'the next night we ate whale' Manning's internet questionairre/interview thing.

new stuff

Duncan Cheshire wrote a new story for the Cat Boat. about time, too. thanks, Duncan.

the thing i asked people to send in photos of their faces for was rejected by Dazed & Confused for being too silly. i posted it below. i read it at the Beepfest on Saturday, too, and was mentioned in this review as the 'bloke carrying around a huge picture of his own face'. it is not my face. it is a face i found on the internet. i printed it out on A3 card and stuck the story on the back of the card and read it out so the picture obscured my own face.

i'm reading at the Manchester Blog Awards tonight. i'm going to read the first chapter of the bird room. afterwards, i think there's a Q&A. it will be my first ever Q&A. i'm expecting questions along the lines of:

"why are you so awkward?"
"why don't you try and stand up straighter?"
"are you a sex pervert?"
"why are you so shit?"
etc., etc.

i have an article in the new issue of Transmission, which is out now. my article is called 'Richard Brautigan: a subjective appreciation'. it is just 1,000 words of me going 'i like Richard Brautigan'.

i also have other things forthcoming. things forthcoming include: exciting, almost-confirmed foreign rights deals on the bird room, short stories in about three things, spaghetti and meatball ready meal for dinner tonight, and the view of my tiny, cold penis in the bathroom mirror as i move towards the shower.

i have the same face in every photograph

Please look closely at my face. I have chosen this face carefully. I have this same face in every photograph. This face is supposed to imply myriad different aspects of my personality: power, intelligence, humour, vulnerability, versatility, sensitivity, eccentricity, a medium-large penis, the ability to love, the ability to ‘make mistakes’ and to learn from them, sexual prowess, agility, a knowledge of ‘fine wines’, time spent abroad, a mysterious past, forgiveness, all seasons of ‘The Wire’ on DVD box set, etc., etc.

There are 292 pictures of me using this face on my Facebook profile.

I once made this face next to Christian Bale at a London film premiere. Christian Bale’s face was reviewed as ‘lacklustre’ and ‘hamfisted’ in comparison to my face.

I will also make this face in real life.

I will make this face at you from across a crowded beer garden.

I will make this face as I loom over you in the dark of your bedroom, once I’ve unbuttoned your top and got you lying down in bed. I will make this face as I nudge at you with my medium-large penis, while something like Bob Marley plays in the background on your little bubble-shaped CD player (after I crouched down next to your CDs and chose something and put it on without asking).

I will make this face next to you on the Facebook photographs we both upload to announce our new relationship status.

I will make it at the pub, and it will glint and stand out from your friend’s faces like a bit of broken pint glass.

I will make it at a cat in the street and the cat will howl and run under a car.

I will make it at myself in the mirror, late at night, once we are living together, and think a series of nonsensical, disconnected things about life, death, the last series of ‘The Wire’, going to the gym, genitalia, and how I cheated on you a number of times.

Your friends are great.

I am in love with you.

Everything is okay.

One day our children will have this face.

no internet

i'm moving into a new flat this week. i am in a 'transitional period', moving backwards and forwards between two flats.

things to do in new flat:

get the internet, somehow (?)
erect bookcases (done)
listen to Wilco (done)
make a cup of tea (done using pan on stove. tasted a bit of gravy.)
have a small party (after this thing?)
make a mess (done)
tidy up (tomorrow)
eat some soup (later on)
read the rest of Young Hearts Crying
do exercise
make friends with the neighbours
'entertain' a young lady
buy a plant
start a window garden
listen to Wilco again
buy a kettle
make a cup of tea using the new kettle
open all the windows
have a shower
have a 'strange moment' looking at my face in the mirror
go to bed
generally 'have a nice time'
etc.

blog awards

i'm looking forward to the Manchester blog awards. maybe Liz Phair from 1993 will be there, and i can have a short, awkward conversation with her, and she can tell me about her forthcoming 1994 'Whip Smart' album.

possibly have your face published in Dazed & Confused

i'm writing a short thing for Dazed & Confused magazine, and i need a picture to go with it. the thing i'm writing is a very short story, about someone's face. i don't think i can use a copyrighted picture. i'm not even sure the thing i write will get accepted, the deadline is 16th of this month. i'm going to try and take some pictures of my own face for it, but if you would like to have your face in there instead -- assuming the story is liked and accepted -- please email me a high-resolution, copyright-free photo of your face or someone you know's face.

face wish list:

serious old man face
serious old woman face
obviously fake smile

any of those would be really good.

deadline is 12 p.m. (UK time), 16th of October. the 'prize' is the possibility of your face being printed in Dazed & Confused magazine. i will also generally 'owe you one', and post you a free copy of the magazine with your face printed in it.

BUY THIS, EVENTUALLY

AND THIS

etc.

new poem

i was 'given' this poem recently in the anthology Issue 1:

Past

Light and heavy
Yellow and easy
Easy and uneasy
Meaning a hot cold poem
. from above carpentry frigid past
This poem may think and retrieve,
. but it is slowly woodwork
His thigh frowning, thirsty and inhuman,
. his hand wondering
Stand beside the most other
. writing of the frigate
Thrive some lamb
. to jostle a
. . night of trees
Everyone looks to an age, where
. writings and kings and souls wear
. . want
Close existence, close convenient houses

i didn't write the poem. i think a computer wrote it. i am going to read some of my own poems at this thing, which is the October version of the reading night i help organize. i might read the computer poem, too. i quite like the idea of saying 'his thigh frowning, thirsty and inhuman' out loud to a small crowd of people.

short films

i am david (with Socrates Adams-Florou)

k@ (with Socrates Adams-Florou)

cat interviews

the miniature plastic horse decides to make a phonecall

how to make a miniature swan (how to)

no point in not being friends (with Sally Cook)

gentle, gentle, gentle (video poem)

'serious literature' (documentary, featuring Tao Lin)

the miniature plastic horse checks his emails

Paul Auster goes to the shop

without you (music video)

granta (music video)

new stuff

i was part of a 'collaborative' story thing at Beat the Dust. lots of other 'good sports' wrote things for it, too. (Jenn Ashworth and myself did silly things with post cards for our author photos, while i was round her house.)

short 'author profile' thing in this week's Bookseller (featuring a one-off special 'limited-edition' photograph where my head looks like a baked potato).

and, and, and: my 'new favourite all-time favourite band of all time', WITCHIES, have finally recorded three songs.

the strange kitten at the top of my blog interviews some cats

manchester review, first chapter of The Bird Room

the Manchester Review is now online.

it has the first chapter of The Bird Room in it.