Sunday, 8 March 2009

"male balls"


Ellen Kennedy's book 'Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs' (Muumuu House) arrived in the post yesterday. hooray. i am halfway through. review forthcoming.

The Bird Room amazon.co.uk update:

40 customer reviews.

'significant' sales rank movement (downwards).

two new 'particularly scathing' customer reviews. they seem 'genuinely affronted' by the novel/me/how much it cost/how short it was/etc.

from Marco Busani "Proven Intellect":

The Bird Room is one of the shortest novels that I've ever read. In an effort to beef up the size of the book, blank pages are inserted between the bitesize chapters in order to try and create the false illusion that the book is more substantial than it in fact is.


The main character Wil cuts a pathetic figure that is consumed by self-doubt, self-pity, jealousy and pretty much operates minus a set of male balls. It's difficult to empathise with a character that is so melancholy and depressive; Wil allows his thoughts to escalate to near Titanic crisis proportions. Whilst, reading I felt almost embarassed for how enfeebled Wil is; Killen has created a character that comes across as being utterly unrealistic.


from Mr N. Haynes "stern":

Wooden characters who are insufficiently real to even dislike (you just don't care who's who and how it turns out) combine with a smugly confusing plot (shallow and simplistic, but then screwed around with by the writer giving the impression he's an empty little person who thinks he's cleverer than his readers) make this a frustrating rip off of a read.

The glowing reviews on the back of the book are by nobodys who upon closer inspection of Killen's acknowledgements seem to be employed by his publishing house (is that legal?).
This book reads like it was written by an undergraduate; convinced of his own genius, probably with unopened copies of Dostoevsky and Satre on his shelves to impress the girls. He can't write dialogue (indeed he never even tries, he just sticks to staccato monologue), he can't write sex and with the exception of a competetent opening when he sucessfully invokes a genuine feeling of obsessive jealousy, and two very pleasing adjectives he conjures up this is a very poor book and ridiculously overpriced.
ouch.

16 comments:

Aiden Clarkson said...

i suggest that you invite them both to kiss your male balls.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

i have it on good authority that mr. n haynes is a warped, flatulent and horrendously obese and stupid child molester.

also he is overpriced and too short.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

i loved his review of Grand Theft Auto IV though

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

and Wasted!: The Incredible True Story of Cricket's First Rock 'n' Roll Star

come on - this guy is a loser

Diana Lyn said...

i want to reach through the interweb ether and squeeze marco busani's and n. hayne's nipples a bit too hard. losers indeed. you just know they both monitor wikipedia religiously for erroneous entries and eat microwave burritos all the live long day.

Anonymous said...

"to impress the girls."

I don't understand why this is a criticism.

Why else would anyone choose to be a writer?

Parker said...

I find it astonishing that some of these people actually read novels. I'd love to find out what they like and why.

I have to make sure that my debut novel is very long and that my protagonist makes reference on at least one occasion to his 'male balls'.

Anonymous said...

Well done Killen,

These are *exactly* the reviews you want from morons who know little about Literature. It proves you are pressing all the right buttons - long may their myopia keep up the facade of authenticity they so desperately need.

Lee Rourke.

Jenn said...

I would also like some male balls please. Now I know why my career is such an unmitigated embarrassment. Balls. Why did no-one tell me?

Brian Centrone xxx said...

You must have done something right to warrent those harsh words. You should wear your male balls like a badge of honor. And if you ever get tired of them, you know who to feed them to.

Niki M said...

Hey Chris. Don't lose sleep over these people. There will always be the ones who don't like your books and on a good day, they'll also tell the world they were 'dissapointed'. 40 Amazon reviews is loads, and if there's the odd stinker then that makes it all look more genuine, and not like your friends and family have written them all...

sam pink said...

hey chris. you're a better writer than me.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

i've changed my mind. i agree with the reviews now.

brandon said...

good job

Martin Higgins said...

When did you release a book? Who are you? Chris Who?

u.v.ray said...

Let some of those people who’ve made comments here go back to their lightweight holiday reading. Art reflects the social milieu from which is born. In future, books like The Bird Room could very well be seen as amongst the works that are representative of early 21st Century literature. About 15 years ago someone referred to my own work as “Sketchbook poetry.” Well, maybe we live in a sketchbook society.