Thursday, 13 August 2009

does anyone still read this?


big congratulations to Shane Jones about his recently announced deal with Penguin + Light Boxes movie rights thing.

i blurbed Light Boxes at the start of last year.

***

i read this thing too by Sam Pink, yesterday. really liked it. Sam Pink makes me think of Nietzsche's maxims a bit, kind of. but a lot more fun to read.

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Brandon Scottt Gorrell wrote 'small reflections' about lots of internet people, including me.

***

Crispin Best's blog is always really good. i haven't clicked on it, but i'm sure there is something good there. [i just clicked on it. it's good, as always.]

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i am unemployed. i finished as Writing Fellow at the end of last month. i am just hanging around and typing things like 'job in manchester' into google and doing the quick crossword now. i feel scared about money. not sure where money is going to come from.

***

does anyone still read this? i think it has 'died'. i feel like i'm typing to myself right now, or to a 'pretend audience' or something. i feel like i am making a pretend radio show with my friend Mark. i feel scared to look at statcounter. i just looked at statcounter. okay, a few people still look at my blog (or accidentally click on it or follow a link and then immediately click away). i am averaging maybe 40 hits per day.

***

i don't know what happened. do i sound like a whiny little bitch if i say 'having a novel published was not fun'? (yes i do. i would think 'fuck you' if i read that two years ago while working at Waterstone's.) i guess i just mean: i have been freaking out for the last six months -- pretty much exactly since the publication date -- and have lost all confidence in my writing. i just about feel better, now that i've sort of 'disappeared' from the internet for a bit. it feels good that when i type 'the bird room+chris killen+review' into google, nothing new appears. i think if i write something again and it gets published, i won't read reviews.

i should clarify: the 'publication process' was really good: i liked talking to an editor and looking at the proofs and making changes and emailing about the cover and things. i have 'fond memories' of that period. i felt 'indestructible' or something.

i guess what i mean is 'writing a novel and then getting bad reviews was not fun'.

***

[update: i feel like a whining idiot.]

23 comments:

red newsom said...

i 'happen upon' your blog. is that the same as being part of a readership? perhaps you should make badges.

i think I am in love with the thing by sam pink.

there are no jobs in manchester. trust me.

DJ Berndt said...

oh boy, you are a special lad.

Thanks for mentioning PANGUR BAN PARTY. I hope that your feeling of despair passes and you write another really awesome novel soon. The Bird Room is one of my favorites. I think I want to read it again when I get home.

Brian Centrone said...

I still read it, though I often wonder if anyone still reads mine and then I wonder what is the point as this whole internet blog thing really isn't for me. I'm old fashioned :(

Also, NEVER read your reviews. It just fucks you up.

Additionally, welcome to the world of unemployed writers. Want to start a business together?

Catherine Lacey said...

I still read this. It's in my google reader and I read all of them. I am happy when I see something from "oh no" in the reader.

I am also jobless. I sometimes do random one-day jobs I find on craigslist when I feel anxious about money. Mostly I just feel like I should writing all the time.

Catherine Lacey said...

Oh and don't mind the reviews. Even one of Flaubert's lovers thought Lady Chatterley's Lover was "dreadful."

u.v.ray said...

Worried about reviews?

Chris Killen: I had you down as an "ah, fuck 'em" kind of fellow.

Tao Lin said...

hi chris

i enjoyed reading this

looking forward to more blog posts/writing by you

tao

Anonymous said...

I check this every day and just did a little bit of wee in my trousers to finally see it updated. Keep going!

sybawrite said...

I want a badge

sam pink said...

glad you are back. i just went from being jobless to being someone who bags groceries.

Duncan Cheshire said...

I still read this. I feel like waving my arms in the air and saying, "write another post!" in a loud, excited voice.

Molly Gaudry said...

This might be the first time I've commented here, but I wanted to add a hello. Will you really not read the reviews next time (and there will of course be a next time)? It's a no-win, maybe.

P.S. Sammy, honey, I have that toothbrush for you, at long last (got one today free from the dentist). I'm a terrible mother.

Jonny Ross said...

good post. i read the book a couple months ago and really enjoyed it. that's my review. i liked the writing style, i like how you sometimes use clipped sentences but without it becoming 'confusing' or 'macho' or 'pretentious' the way novels written by 'poets' usually are (nick flynn the exception), and so on. when it was finished i wanted more, wanted for it to go on. that was the only disappointment i had with it. i think i read an ann beattie book or something after. i'll probably reread it again very soon. keep writing things.

Frank Morgan said...

I still check back from time to time.

You should have a competition, that would momentarily lift everyone's spirits, i promise* I will 'enter' if you run a competition.

FM

*disclaimer - may not enter if the competition has anything to do with a suicide cult or having 'relations' with a monkey - I’m not falling for that one again Killen.

ryan manning said...

hi

Giles Ruffer said...

Get angry.

Have you signed-on yet?

chris killen said...

hello,

thank you for all the comments.

i don't know.

i was just freaking out a bit.

i feel better now.

Colin said...

i adored the bird room.

Zara, Just. said...

i read this.

green ink said...

Onya Chris. Glad you're feeling better. Never stop writing. :)

redpencil said...

pretend audiences are the best

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Lindsey said...

You are a whiney idiot. BUT...your book is awesome and you should cont writing. I work at a Barnes and Noble in Missouri and I tell people to buy it...just sayin.

Also I just facebooked your blog. Maybe people will read it and comment.